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Post by Falcom Director of Fanservice on Jul 8, 2008 1:47:12 GMT -5
I don't know. Social Anxiety, yeah. But Bipolar? I dunno. I don't think I've ever had to really deal with anything like that.
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Post by Ascended Mermaid on Jul 8, 2008 2:06:02 GMT -5
Well, I'm sure bipolar wasn't it. Perhaps cabin fever in a sense, or just social anxiety getting me all crazy. I never had a harder time understanding my own thoughts and feelings than I did last year. Hell, while I'm throwing all sorts of theories around, why not just say that was the first time I truly attempted to live out on my own. I've been pretty calm since I moved back in with my family. Infact, whenever they've left, I've always done some sort of demolition; kicking the hell out of dead old computer monitors (and other misc junk), smashing up and tearing out walls... I could list all of the things I'd do, and not have a single explanation for why I did them. I do get randomly pissed every now and then, but when my family's around... well, you see less of walls being busted down and junk being smashed apart. I'm pretty lightweight too, so it takes a LOT of time and energy to the point of being near OCD, before I'm done tearing shit up. Clearly I'm fine now, but why I do all that stuff anyway... it's out of my grasp.
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Post by Falcom Director of Fanservice on Jul 8, 2008 4:21:17 GMT -5
That doesn't sound like textbook bipolar, but at the same time, I do see a few symptoms of it, from my readings of the symptoms from (admittedly weak) Wikipedia. Of course, the trick to that is that just having a few symptoms is not enough to diagnose one with a disorder. You have to have to meet ALL of the criteria, no exceptions, to have a particular disorder. Mind you I don't have nearly enough information on your scenario to offer any real advice, nor am I nearly well educated enough to really be doing so. =[
I'm curious, though, if you don't mind me asking. Do you have any other episodes of just breakin' shit for no apparent reason? Can you resist the urge to do so? What does it feel like when these urges do come on?
I'm blatantly trying to be the armchair shrink, now, so feel free to tell me to fuck off; I won't be upset about it. or if you wanna keep it to PMs, that's fine too. I'm just curious about your scenario.
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Post by Ascended Mermaid on Jul 8, 2008 13:16:15 GMT -5
It's inexplicable rage, an overwhelming sense of discomfort, a lot of hate, with little guilt, no fear, no remorse; no cause to care what the outcome of my actions may be.
My personality is seemingly random. You don't know whether I'll be high in the sky, a cheery pink-faced man in a cotton candy land, an unholy combination of careless, thoughtless rage, or last saturday's pancakes; spoiled rotten, maggots devouring my corpse, to become cold and sorrowful.
Other examples would be engaging in harmless conversations with family members, starting off either calm or cheery, and at the drop of a hat, yelling, screaming, getting ready to beat whoever's around.
Interesting fact: A few years ago, some random month, some random day, I'd wake up, jump on my dad and punch him. Why? Eh... he was yelling too much. X)
Side notes: Last year, I started having *extremely* nonsensical dreams. No comprehension. Hard to explain. I'd wake up from them, entirely freaked out. I look back now and wonder why I freaked out, since they were just dreams... but they were pretty intense as far as dreams that don't make sense. I don't have a *great* imagination, but these are... well, beyond imagining. It's a very confusing experience to wake up from. If I could compare it to anything, I suppose it's like having every single drug-induced trip known to man all in one, in addition to being drunk. Occasionally I'll still have these dreams, but they're not all as intense.
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Post by Ascended Mermaid on Jul 8, 2008 13:50:10 GMT -5
The short version: Let's just say if I seem cheerful, outgoing, happy, fun, creative, constructive, energetic, laid back, whatever it may be... you can expect me to say and do everything ass-backwards in a heartbeat. Compare my mentality to music by System Of A Down, and you'll have me in a nutshell. Infact, I'm pretty ass-backwards when I'm just little old me; I'm the optimistic one in my family. If I see car crashes or almost get into one -- I'll be the one to smile, laugh, say how awesome it is and move on. I consistantly beg to get in spats with people, if just for the adrenaline. I change every moment, along with my stories, my likes, and dislikes. It's almost like becoming a different person altogether, yet not. If my head's in the clouds one moment, bet your ass I'll be pretty pissed if you give me two more seconds. Last example: People just saying hi to me. It's not much, but when I turn my head to see who's speaking, I'll get set off pretty fast. The last time this happened, I saw someone I knew, hate (he was guilty by association), and bought myself a fucking knife within 5 minutes. No joke, that thing sleeps right next to me, every night.  |
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Post by Falcom Director of Fanservice on Jul 8, 2008 22:50:16 GMT -5
*Nods* I can see why you were diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. However, a bipolar tends to swing between exceptionally happy, confident, and grandiose to abjectly depressed. You're not describing much in the way of depression, at least not currently. BUT! I am hardly studied on the subject, and a glance at the DSM-IV suggests there are a lot more kinds of bipolar than I know about, so take my words with a grain of salt. =/
That being said, I do suspect you have a mild to moderate mood disorder of some kind. You seem, at least from what I've read, to be able to function throughout the day. There could be a bit of mild personality disorder in that, as well, but I have nowhere near enough data to even begin to consider that; but mood disorders and personality disorders can b comorbid (that is, happen at the same time), so the notation ought to be made.
Again, recall I'm just a amateur student of psychology; and don't necessarily know dick about dick.
As for the dreams, I wouldn't worry too much about be terrified by nonsensical dreams, unless it gets so bad that you can't sleep. Dreams don't follow logic, and also have the tendency to make you think what you're imagining is very real. It's one thing to think about being chased by a robot (a nightmare of mine I remember vividly), but another thing to actually experience it, to experience the fear for your life and accompanying sensations. And that's just when dreams are being logical.
If I may ask, what were your former psychologists like? How long did you stay with them? How many times did you visit? What did they ask? And, how honest were you with them? (Don't worry, people lie to psychologists all the time. it comes from a justifiable fear that they may draw the wrong conclusion from something minor and harmless). I am a little concerned that your psychologists did a sloppy job, or didn't spend enough time with you to make a proper diagnosis.
Again, feel free to tell me to fuck off if I'm digging too much for your taste, I won't be mad.
Edit: About that knife. If you really don't worry about the consequences when you're dealing with a violent episode, I suggest that you get rid of it if you can. You don't want to hurt someone, insanity as a defensive plea is not a get out of jail free card (only one in like 100,000 cases of insanity pleas result in cancellation of incarceration). Not to mention the fact that the karma of stabbing someone, even someone you hate, will eventually weigh upon you, someday. It's just better not to take the risk.
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Post by Ascended Mermaid on Jul 8, 2008 23:19:40 GMT -5
They'd just ask me how my days are, what I do, if anything troubles me, etc.; in the end, I'm very blunt. I just tell them what I do, what happens if anything interesting over the week, and... well, I don't exactly say "Hey, this is weird about me..." or "I think I may have problems..."
For depression: I was in the institute for two weeks. I had two years of counseling, with two different counselors. Job Corps made counseling mandatory, but the above information holds true for these counselors.
For bipolar: I went to a mental clinic for patients with little cash. It was less than a week of talking with doctors/etc. to explain my moods and personality, as well as my history. (Which was in detail, deaths, hospital admissions, family issues, fighting, suicides, the almost suicides and almost divorces, etc. -- most pertaining to my family.) I figured I'd check it out since my dad has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder after his... 3rd, maybe 4th lockup in a mental institution. (During my lifetime; I'm not sure how many there are, total.)
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Cyhirae
Zinoyd
I has sword; I use it on u!
Posts: 266
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Post by Cyhirae on Jul 19, 2008 19:32:56 GMT -5
Hm...I keep contact with one friend I talk to consistently online, two in reality I see once or twice every few months and almost never see online.
I couldn't give you directions to anywhere in my neighborhood except how to get from my house to the interstate.
My neighbors don't know what I look like and think only one person lives in this house, not two. And most of my non-immediate family half-seriously thinks I'm a myth my parents and sister made up because they've never seen me since I was ten.
How's that for being a hermit? XD
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Post by Red Hairdo on Aug 6, 2008 12:19:49 GMT -5
Well... xD It has been some years since I decided this, but I think it's better to have a girlfriend instead of getting married, because you have greater freedom that way, more time for yourself, and the commitment isn't as big, and you can still enjoy having a woman with you. But there are also its advantages. I mean, having a son or daughter.  I guess when they are born, one must get the best feeling in the world. Like "Man, I'm a father now, this is mine and my wife's son/ daughter... =)"... xD Sometimes I imagine myself around my 40s speaking with my kid. XD How it would be like and stuff. Fatherhood is one of the things I'm most curious about in life. It must be the hardest thing to raise a kid properly... but I guess it's also a challenge any father would willingly take on. These stuff are beautiful. |
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Post by Red Hairdo on Aug 6, 2008 18:32:35 GMT -5
Well, I guess everything has its ups and downs. XD
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Post by Justin on Aug 12, 2008 0:14:55 GMT -5
Well... xD It has been some years since I decided this, but I think it's better to have a girlfriend instead of getting married, because you have greater freedom that way, more time for yourself, and the commitment isn't as big, and you can still enjoy having a woman with you. A good wife would respect time and constructive freedom far more than any girlfriend could. |
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I guess when they are born, one must get the best feeling in the world. Like "Man, I'm a father now, this is mine and my wife's son/ daughter... =)"... xD Sometimes I imagine myself around my 40s speaking with my kid. XD How it would be like and stuff. Fatherhood is one of the things I'm most curious about in life.
