I'm probably not a good person to explain this cause I've never had a relationship
*shrugs* If my twenty-two years of life have taught me anything, it's that everyone is pretty different when it comes to these sorts of things? ^^; I don't think even the most stalwart Casanova would be in a very good position to speak in certain or definite terms about love and romance. There's little in such things that is true for everyone, and I think he could only speak of his own thoughts and feelings, just like you and me. ^^; So there's no need to devalue your own feelings about these things due to lack of experience. I mean...it's very internal, isn't it? They're the sort of things you just sort of...
know about yourself. I think?
But yes, you're right, things could be perfectly different if I met the right person. ^^; I know that there are words like 'asexual' out there, but that feels very...concrete and definite somehow? Like you're really sure about yourself? For me, there's little that is certain, and it's more a case of mild indifference. I'm quite happy being this way. But really I'd be quite happy to wake up tomorrow and find that I was in love too~! Either way is fine. I guess it's just that...so long as I
am this way, I sometimes wonder about what it is about the other side of things...about sex and love...that people find so alluring?
It puzzles me, and I tend to sometimes feel a little curious~
I didn't want to quote the whole thing... I do have one question for you though. Are you a very skinny person?
Umm...yes, I'm kind of underweight. Why'd you want to know that? ^^;
I do indeed think all the things you've discussed are intertwined, however... as it's my desire for true love that weighs most strongly on me, which in turn leads to a desire for sex, which in turn leads to a slight change in the way I regard women versus men.
In a way, I envy you. I wish I were unconcerned with love and sex. Life would be less aggravating that way.
*nods* That's exactly what I meant. The three things are kind of...quite tightly interlinked. Actually, I find it kind of interesting to think about things like this. Of course...I'm too shy to ever articulate my feelings about such a private subject using my voice, but... I think about things like this kind of a lot. It's such a big part of life for most people, and I feel I sort of...have to make sense of what these things mean to me when that importance is more or less taken away.
And... *giggles* Envy? I don't know. It's just different, really? The pursuit of love might be tiring and at times depressing, but surely it has its plus points too? ^^; I can't imagine so many people would so fervently pursue love if there wasn't something pretty wonderful waiting for them when they eventually find it. I mean...I don't have to put up with any of the bad stuff, but I don't get any of the good, either.
It's not better or worse; just different. I don't feel I'm especially lucky nor especially unlucky to be this way. I'm just happy to be me. If I were different, I'm sure I'd be happy to be that person too.
So you know what? So what if you're a late bloomer -- if others don't like that, screw em'; but not literally. You can be how you want. You can want what you want. You can act and feel like you. You don't need sex. You don't need to want sex. If you're unique, be unique! Don't be everyone else! Don't succumb to the one society -- be your own society!
Well I'm not so sure I'd go as far as to say 'screw 'em'. ^^; I'm really... There's a lot I still don't understand about myself, and I find it helpful to hear what others have to say, even if it's just 'it's a phase' or 'you'll grow out of it'. ^^; That being said, I kind of...feel the same as you, really? Back in high school I used to absolutely torture myself over these things. My female friends all talked about dating and love, and my male friends all...basically talked about sex. And I didn't exactly feel...
any of the things they were feeling.
I kind of felt like...maybe I was broken in some way? We were told in school about people who liked those of the opposite gender, people who liked those of the same gender, and people who liked those of both genders. But nobody ever really mentioned that there might be people who didn't really like those of either gender. I thought that maybe I'd be a big disappointment to everyone if they knew. If my parents knew that I didn't really want to ever have children or get married. If my friends knew that when they confided in me about the people they were dating, I was basically just nodding along, understanding very little.
I ended up being...not such a good person for about four or five years of my life. I found it difficult to really believe I'd do okay in the world by being myself, so I sort of went a bit schizo. And in the end I found myself so confused about what bits of me were me to begin with, and what bits I had just added based on the expectations of those around me. I'm really just beginning to find myself again now. To work out who I was, who I am, and who I eventually want to be. Like you, I've sort of concluded that...maybe it's not so bad to be different? The quirks I have aren't malicious or aggressive in nature. I'm not going to go out and hurt people just by being who I am. So...I feel that maybe it's okay to be this way? Of course I still find it kind of hard to really be
proud of who I am, but... I'm learning, bit by bit. ^^; I suppose the first step is just not to be ashamed.
And I'm glad that you feel a little bit better. I think the most important thing is that you're happy with where you stand, and that by standing there you're not hurting others' chances at happiness. Anything else is peripheral. ^^; Sometimes it's not so bad to be a piece that doesn't quite fit the puzzle. If your edges aren't razor sharp, and don't rip up the rest of the pieces when you're put in, it just makes the whole picture more interesting. ^_~
As far as love and romanace, they do indeed exist; this I can say from personal experience. Most media tends to idealize it and make it unrealistic, but it can and does happen.
I quoted the Cap'n's response, but there were quite a few of you who said similar things of romance. Don't get me wrong, I'm not doubting that it exists.
Just that...it doesn't really exist for me, I guess? That things like that are as good as fantasy to me, for better or for worse, and that I have little interest in the reality behind them. That although 'romance' might well be out there in the world, it has no place in my life.
My one experience of romance (it's...not exactly the right word to use, I guess, so substitute in 'relationships'?) was with a boy I knew in high school. We had met toward the end of our first year of high school. He was really pretty nice. Kind-hearted, caring, sweet in his own awkward way... Unfortunately he was pretty desperately unhappy too. His home life wasn't so good, he was a little bit of a social pariah, and he was
severely lovesick. I don't think it was especially over any one person. Just over 'love', I guess? He seemed to have bought into this pre-packaged notion of 'love' as a cure to all of his ills. As the one thing that would make life immediately and instantaneously perfect and hunky-dory for him.
He asked me out after we had known each other for about two months. I said 'no' because...well even if I
wasn't the way that I am with regards to these things, I was basically still just a kid.
I didn't really know much about boys. Heck I hardly knew very much about
girls. ^^; A couple of years passed, though, and I watched him spiral further and further into unhappiness. And at the same time, we were talking more and getting to know each other better. Eventually, I kind of...asked
him out, I guess? It was awkward and stuttery and not especially clear, but I suppose that was the intent~
I don't...really think I understood what I was getting myself into. What a relationship meant to him. All I wanted was to try and make him happy. I saw how torn up he was over love, and wanted to try and make things better. Thinking back on it, my whole understanding of the situation was so naive.
To me, it was something as innocent and childish as wanting to buy a present for someone to cheer them up when they're down. I didn't really understand that I had...actually agreed to share something very important and precious with him. Something that I had no right to be trifling with.
At first things were pretty okay. But as time went on, he seemed to become kind of...discontented with me? I think it dawned on us both that, try as I might, I simply wasn't capable of giving him any of the things he wanted. That I simply couldn't operate at the same level as him when it came to such things. Of course I could go through the motions of love; I could act out a funny little play based on what I had seen in movies and on TV. But it wasn't quite...real, I guess? I just did what I thought I was supposed to be doing, rather than anything I really felt I
needed to be doing.
We moved around a
lot as kids. I attended maybe seven or eight primary (junior) schools, and never really settled into any of them. So it took me 'til I was about twelve or thirteen to really start talking to people, male or female, outside my family. In the end, I think I only really understood, and to some extent understand, 'love' in terms of family. When I eventually settled down in one place and started to speak to and care for other people, I tied us together in my head the only way I really knew how: like brothers and sisters. ^^;
I think that was my problem with my 'boyfriend' in high school, and is probably my problem with any sort of romance today too. I just...don't really know how to offer the things that people are looking for in love? My sort of 'love' is...not really an adult love. There's no passion or fire to it; nothing all-encompassing or overwhelming. It's delicate, childish, and...silly, really. Even if you stuck sex somewhere in there, it'd be like a little kid putting on her mommy's dress and makeup. You can't exactly think of something like that as sexy or alluring. At best it's cute, and at worst it's...kind of grotesque?
I could only love him like he was my brother, and that wasn't what he was looking for. Actually, I don't think it's what anyone is really looking for in romance. I don't regret being who I am. There are things I wish I could change about myself, but my feelings towards these things
aren't wrong, and I don't regret them. I'm just different, like everyone else. Still, I do wish I could have better known just exactly what I was stepping into back then. And how much I could mess things up. I'm kind of...really ashamed of what I did. Of course I had his best interests at heart, but...he was already unhappy, and all I succeeded in doing was hurting him more.
It's entirely possible that he wasn't 'my type'. Or something of the sort. But I felt as strongly for him as I've ever felt for anyone, really. Which makes me wonder if I really have a 'type' at all? ^^; Maybe this sort of stuff just isn't really for me? I'm not opposed to socialising. I like people. I like making friends and getting to know others. But I've always felt that things are completely fine as 'friends'. That nothing ever really needs to go beyond that for me~ I'm not counting out the possibility that tomorrow I'll suddenly meet a guy (or girl) who makes me feel entirely different about everything. But with each passing year, it feels more and more like...this sort of life is
right for me, I guess? It feels less and less important if that special person ever comes along at all.
And...now I'll shut up. ^^; Sorry. I've mega-derailed this thread~!
It puzzles me, and I tend to sometimes feel a little curious~
(not that THAT's deterred anyone! XD) But eitherway, somehow I too have never felt any compulsion of any sort towards it. Nor really towards being involved in any relationship actually. I mean, I liked some random people inbetween but it was almost one of those 'Oh... that person is actually nice looking!' or rather 'Oh! That person's work is very nice! XD', but never to the point of wanting to be involved with the person in something more.
