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Post by Incog Neato on Oct 7, 2008 16:27:47 GMT -5
I'm the same way when I'm put on the spot. Especially during bouts of witty remarks. It's very hard to come up with a response until either a day or an hour later. I so hate that though cuz usually, the person is infuriating me but I couldn't find a way to put them in their place! >_< Like the one time this driver at work was wondering why he wasn't in the queue to receive orders. I told him that I already told the person in charge of the list to put him on it but apparently, she forgot. And then, he goes apeshit on me, demanding that I go and set things right and that he should get the next job, blah blah blah. Gods, it was after I got off the phone with him that I kept thinking that I should have told him that HE should have gone directly to HER and asked what the hell was up. But hey, shoot the messenger. Talk down to me, make me feel like shit, like I'm not doing my job. That's a-OK with me. >_______________>## But I'm not one to hold grudges and I generally don't have the nerve to tell someone off cuz remember! I don't like confrontations! ^^; |
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Post by Ascended Mermaid on Oct 7, 2008 16:36:47 GMT -5
Something has to grate on me before I go apeshit. If you're cheating on me, dealing drugs, or just boxing me in / running me over in a supermarket, that's when the bell rings and the gloves are off. I can get real mean.
But in a back and forth confrontation, I just don't do it. I'm not half as witty then as I would be if it were a situation that just built up.
If I were fighting myself, casual/regular/"just put on the spot" me vs. apeshit me, the part of me going apeshit would win. That's pretty much how it is; the one who is going apeshit tends to get out of it what they wanted to.
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Post by Yakra on Oct 7, 2008 16:44:09 GMT -5
The main problem is that the gears in my head sort of stop when I'm in a situation when someone is being confrontational. I simply can't think of an "intelligent", confident response. Half the time, I end up looking back at the situation and wishing that I said this or said that instead of whatever wimpy thing came out of my mouth. I really need time to think when I'm put on the spot. That happens to me almost all the time too. :-/ Especially when someone is being extra confrontational, very much picking a fight, and shouting at me. And in those moments I can just come up with a 'meep~!'. It really makes one wish life was one big written post and everyone gave you atleast 5 minutes to think up a proper response! I'm the same way when I'm put on the spot. Especially during bouts of witty remarks. It's very hard to come up with a response until either a day or an hour later. And so, this happens to me ALL the time! :'D In some odd moments when I actually do find the voice to fight back, whenever I look back at the conversations and think about what exactly I said, I feel so miserable that... er... I guess I'm just not very good at telling people off. I really sound like an idiot. |
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Post by Ascended Mermaid on Oct 7, 2008 16:50:56 GMT -5
I can be heard fighting back in my sleep, as well as while I'm daydreaming, if it's only moments following the fight.
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Post by Nalacakes on Oct 8, 2008 9:05:39 GMT -5
Hm, many times I do almost the same, being there only a difference: it's not always I think the misstep was mine (sometimes though I assume so). To be honest, at most times I consider it was a misstep from both sides. Whenever there's a heavy arguement or fight, there isn't "The one at fault", but there are only "The ones at fault". Also most top-line professionals have to adopt that behaviorism you do (in many ways)*. You have a good habit. Mine isn't an habit, I have to force myself. So, if I were you, I would be proud of that. =) And I'm sure I'm not the only one here who agrees on that. * There's even a very known book sold world-widely named "Emotional Inteligence". Forgot the author's name though. Ah, well I think your way seems like a much better way of resolving a conflict, really. ^_^ It's true that there's very rarely just one party to blame. More often than not it's a combination of factors on both sides. And if you don't stop and realise that, it won't really help you avoid conflicts in future. From that point of view, my method of conflict resolution is really no better than just placing all the blame on the other person, is it? ^_^; Less outwardly messy perhaps, but probably just as inefficient in the long run. And proud? Well, ignoring the fact that there's far too much I consider wrong about myself to take seriously the little things that might be right, I've never really felt that I have any right to be proud of the way that I am character-wise. ^_^ I happened to grow up this way because of my family. Only they're entitled to take credit for any positive personality traits I might have. I don't feel the need to be humble about the skills that I've taught myself. I'm proud that I've learned to write to at least a decent standard, to speak two foreign languages to a fair degree, and to play the piano, just as I'll be proud of anything I learn or accomplish from here on out. But my character was given to me by others. ^_^; I can be glad that I had their support, and that I ended up as a person that, for all her flaws, I'm really quite happy to be. But I don't think it's right to feel pride over something you did nothing to earn. Gratitude is a more suitable response when you've been granted such good fortune. ^_^; I'd be more proud if, like you, I had taken a conscious choice to avoid conflict and to be generally decent towards others. That requires strength, restraint, and a genuinely good heart. The things I do outside of my control might lead to the same outcome, but the very fact that I haven't really taken a choice to do them makes them far less admirable in my eyes. ^_^ But really, I wouldn't take those view points away I gained in that mindset when I was younger, because people really do feel at ease around you when you think that way, and know how to accommodate others. I find that true in a lot of things I do, and receive a lot of smiles and hopes from others. Of course admitting/gloating about such is a bit un-humbling and takes away from such effects, but hopefully you can use my experience that it can work out for the better, and seek that. I don't know... To be honest, you sound like the shinier side to my coin; a pretty heads to my beat-up tails. ^_^ In my case, my generally docile nature and lack of confidence result in me taking far more from others than I could ever give back. I might be tolerant, or pleasant, or any number of other things. But I lack an ego to such a degree that I more or less require others to support me, to guide me, and to continually re-affirm for me even the simplest things. I end up playing a kind of little sister role to most everyone I meet. My tutors like me, as I'm always eager, polite, and full of awe and admiration. But in any situation where I'm expected to give as good as I get, in any situation where I'm expected to be the equal of the other party... Well suffice to say I ask far too much in terms of support for me to ever feel anything but gratitude when people put up with me. ^_^ :(!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That ISN'T healthy at all. But as long as you don't get super depressed or mopey after it, then I suppose it's ... okei???? ^^;;; Just don't let people step all over you though. :/ No no, I don't get mopey at all. ^_^ I don't blame myself in an 'I have committed a cardinal sin, and can no longer go on living happily' way. Just in a 'We've had a falling out, and chances are it was my fault. How do I go about fixing things?' one. If there's any moping, it doesn't last more than a few moments~ I do have a tendency to let people walk over me, though. To the point where I still have trouble blaming even people like the girls who bullied me for three or four years of high school. I find myself often making excuses for people who, when I stop and think about it rationally, were probably just pretty mean. ^_^; I've lived a very secluded life, spending most all of my time surrounded only by people I really care about. So I've never quite learned how to get angry with others, nor how to outright blame them for something when it's necessary. Of course not getting angry with others is a wonderful, beautiful thing in theory. But in practice? Not so much. ^_^ We don't live in a world that is always smiles and pleasantries, and there's times when you just need to be harsh or critical. It's something I probably have to learn someday... Eep, sorry, this post is too long. I'll shut up. ^_^ |
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Post by MonoTekETeA on Oct 8, 2008 11:45:24 GMT -5
It's something I probably have to learn someday... You shouldn't worry, you will learn eventually, whether you or some one else close to you teaches ya some other ways and incorporates "self deprecating style" (we'll call it that, but like it have been pointed out previously, in my mind, it is in no way negative, and has its positives. ::Grins:: Sounds like a geeks way to cope, but really! I don't kid since I live life like it too) or you just learn to mold it into an art, and live life being able to use it in any situation and come out ahead. There had to be a famous person known to be humble and hospitable, and it was just as I speak. Heheh, sorry my words can sound like they just came off a pine tree some times, but I have been reading fantasy and the like since I was just a young'un. Probably has something to do with my mom loving Romance books and reading them when I was way young, and my dad enjoying Conan and a few other fantasy series, only to stop reading them when he became a father, but yeah. (Fun story involved with that, but I'll save it.) -Jeremy -is off to the City of Life!- |
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