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Post by Ascended Mermaid on Jan 2, 2009 23:23:43 GMT -5
I won't lie -- I'm terrible at being an uncle. I mean, I take care of my niece, I get her food and I play games with her. The moment she starts crying because her mom's not home, and won't be home for months, and cellphones are a piece of crap...
I feel hopeless. I can tell her that everything will be okay, but that won't help. I can say that her mom will call back, but it's not of any comfort. I hug her and try and make her feel better, but no matter what, she still cries. This has been going on for a month and some weeks.
If being a dad is anything like this, I don't think I'd be a great dad, maybe as bad as I am at being an uncle.
Not to mention, she starts crying about her mom when she's supposed to be getting to sleep -- but she was fine five seconds ago. I don't know how to do it. I can't calm her down. I've tried talking in a soft voice and letting her know that she can talk to her mom tomorrow. Now she's starting in really loud and aggrivated.
Good golly miss molly, what have I gotten myself into?
I really admire others who have children, and can actually handle the abuse. I myself, no, I'm no good with kids. I try so hard, but nothing I do works. It's flustering but all I can do is be patient and try to calm her down. The only thing that worked was threatening to shut off the lights, and counting down from five. I told her to go in her room, close the door so she doesn't wake her grandpa, watch a movie and lay in bed. I had to count down from five three different times before she was fully compliant. At least I somewhat succeeded, but she's still crying. I don't know what to do. I'm at a loss.
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Post by Kimimi on Jan 2, 2009 23:36:30 GMT -5
It sounds like you're doing everything you can, so I wouldn't beat yourself up over it. If she's crying because she misses her Mum there's nothing you can do to solve the problem, but you can at least be a shoulder for her to cry on and comfort her with some play time or stories. That's really important, because even if she's not responding to it now she at least knows who she can go to when she's ready for a hug.
The only other thing is - it's OK to get fed up and annoyed. In fact, at times it may be helpful because it can help to draw a line under her behaviour and say "OK, I know you miss your Mum but as we can't do anything about it let's stop all this fuss and get on with it". I get fed up with my son at times, and that's because I'm still a person and not some maternal robot. As long as you know what's wrong and you've done everything you can then you're doing fine.
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Post by Varion on Jan 3, 2009 0:22:43 GMT -5
If she's crying because she misses her Mum there's nothing you can do to solve the problem, but you can at least be a shoulder for her to cry on and comfort her with some play time or stories. This. Honestly, I remember (it's probably my first memory) when I was 4 my mum had to go into the hospital to give birth to my sister, and as such had to be there overnight, meaning it was me and my dad back home. Now he was an excellent dad, and I love him dearly. But you can't compare to the bond between the a kid and their mother, so I just cried the whole night away until I fell asleep, and there was nothing he could do. Sleep is probably the worst time for this because there's no playtime or anything you can use to take the kid's mind off it. So really, all you can do is do your best, like you have been doing. It's not going to be enough, but nothing is - at least it should help a little. |
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Post by Yakra on Jan 3, 2009 5:35:24 GMT -5
As kimimi said, once the little kiddies start crying for their mommies, there's no stopping it. Their minds have wandered towards that direction and they start feeling all alone in the world? (I used to be like so!  ) Let's see... the stuffs I do with my nephew's and nieces (I have no clue how old your niece is, but so far mine are about 3 and 5.... I think?) - I don't do much really. I'm a bum. Who's not social. And doesn't like 'whee whee-ing' with kids. So usually, its the kids that dump themselves upon me. But the best way to keep them occupied I've discovered is to hand them a piece of paper and any silly marker/pencil/etc. And let them draw draw draw. And I join them in that too? Random storytelling helps lots too (making magical stories using random stuffs from all around and telling they're from the fairy king! :'D). And if all else fails, pull out a pic of Adol and Lillia! For some reason that always shuts all kids up!  Ehem.... I admire people who have kids too. I would never want them! D: |
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Post by Falcom Director of Fanservice on Jan 3, 2009 6:40:24 GMT -5
Yakra, I think, is edging toward the right direction here.
There's not much one can do to ease missing a parent, especially when it overwhelms them and they start crying, except for what you're doing. Don't worry, you'll be remembered as uncle awesome for that.
But, what you can try to do is when she's not thinking about to make things as pleasant and enjoyable as you can stomach. The less she's miserable, the less she ought to be bothered by mom being gone. It's not a foolproof strategy by any means, but it should help. Of course, try not to be a marshmallow in the process, but I don't think that should be a problem (And marshmallows get to use the Froggy Stick!)
But yeah, you're doing good. One of the most important things you can be is approachable. If she feels she can come to you when things are bad, you're uncle awesome in her eyes. I can tell you this from personal experience, there wasn't too many family members I could approach as a lad, because they all seemed harsh and scary and judgmental. So if she can come to you, then you've managed to avoid those labels, and good on you!
Oh, a thought! Do you know her ma's postal address? If so, perhaps a letter can be arranged for? (Or if she's too young to write, perhaps have her dictate one to you?). The trick is timing it, of course. But kids love getting letters. Just be sure she knows that it'll take awhile for Ma to respond, so she isn't hounding the mailbox the next day.
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Post by Incog Neato on Jan 3, 2009 8:07:14 GMT -5
Not contributing anything intelligent to this thead as I just wanted to point out that the subject should be changed to "CHILDREN! >:O" just because.
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Post by Falcom Director of Fanservice on Jan 3, 2009 8:27:17 GMT -5
I'll change your subject to "CHILDREN >:O"
With the quotation marks. e_e
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Post by Incog Neato on Jan 3, 2009 9:36:47 GMT -5
Done! :D
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Post by Ascended Mermaid on Jan 3, 2009 11:51:26 GMT -5
Wow!  Thank you, everyone! That's some awesome advice here! ...and it was comforting to hear that I'm doing all I can! |
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Post by AllenSmithee on Jan 3, 2009 17:14:03 GMT -5
I don't wanna have kids, too much trouble, and if I ruin raising them I ruin someone's life which would blow. I may as well just avoid procreating to avoid that.
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Post by Justin on Jan 4, 2009 2:39:31 GMT -5
I can't wait to have kids, and the time is closing fast. I plan on have at least one in a few years.
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Post by Varion on Jan 4, 2009 5:02:37 GMT -5
This is now a 'do you want kids?' thread.
I wouldn't mind them, but to be honest with the world how it is now I'd feel guilty havingg any. Especially in England. If I can find anywhere relatively safe and comfortable, sure, but otherwise dragging someone into this cesspool of the planet just because I want to strikes me as pure selfishness.
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Post by Ascended Mermaid on Jan 4, 2009 5:11:08 GMT -5
Me? Maybe someday. I'm not really mature enough to handle a child of my own, let alone my sister's kid.
Things went smoothly tonight. I tried to get ahold of her parents, and got through to her dad -- so they talked, at least, and she left a message on her mom's phone. I read her a bedtime story (some Tinkerbell book), replacing all verbs with fart/farts/farted/farting and exclaming "The End!" at the end of every paragraph. She was entertained, and went to sleep without a fuss.
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Post by Falcom Director of Fanservice on Jan 4, 2009 13:48:35 GMT -5
Yeah, your sense of humor will work very well with the young'uns =]
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Post by AllenSmithee on Jan 4, 2009 14:36:28 GMT -5
just say "My dick is a butt" and they'll laugh
Just kidding! I'm okay with little kids, but they make me nervous and I lose my voice!
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Post by Justin on Jan 5, 2009 8:51:58 GMT -5
Poo jokes are kiddie fodder.
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Post by Falcom Director of Fanservice on Jan 5, 2009 9:44:16 GMT -5
Justin's kids are going to go to kindergarten, and be horrified to learn that goombas, slimes and rhebolls aren't as real as cows and ducks.
They'll be all like, "But, cows go moo and slimes go ~lelele!"
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Post by Musa-Revived on Jan 5, 2009 10:38:03 GMT -5
I dunno, but I'm very terrible with kids. Being the only child doesn't help. And I got very few young uns as relatives, so yeah I'm a little frightened of handling them.
You see, I'm pretty tall for an Asian and most Asian kids are puny... I don't know how to handle them without fear of hurting them so...
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)
Thank you, everyone! That's some awesome advice here! ...and it was comforting to hear that I'm doing all I can!
