Post by AllenSmithee on Apr 23, 2009 15:00:23 GMT -5
I am sorry Mr Van Allen, but I didn't do my homework because while I was working on it my pencil broke. Going to fetch a new one I stubbed my toe, which started bleeding quite copious amounts of blood. Not knowing what to do I hollered for my mother, but realized she was at work. I decided I would care on with my search for a new pencil. I looked all around the house, tracking blood throughout the place.
I decided I would recite the alphabet along the way. "ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ". This proved boring, and I was quickly growing weary of this quest. Suddenly my pet robot, Edgar IV (also known as Education Given Around ver. 4) started singing Mr. Roboto by Styx and I just needed to join in! I didn't know what this could possibly bear for in the future, but lemme tell you it would come to mean a lot!
I found a new pencil about a step into my sister's room. Stepping in to grab it the door closed behind me! Oh snap! The creepy porcelain dolls are attacking again! Now, allow me to tell you something about porcelain dolls. They're hard to defeat. The only way to stop them is to sing Lady GaGa songs! "Let's have some fun/this beat is sick/I wanna take a ride on your disco stick!".
Reciting the ancient Native chant, I finally weakened the dolls enough to shatter them to bits with my bare fists! I could finally leave with my pencil! Picking it up, I was pushing it into the air for a victory pose when it hit my eye! Oh no, my toe and my eye! I couldn't see, and was limping around... While it was an awesome day, it was also a painful one.
So I left the room, and found Edgar IV missing! Damn, where'd he go? Oh well, I guessed he had things to do. I ventured back downstairs to work on my homework when Edgar appeared. I said to him "Where were you jumpy buddy?" he jumped and said "I was in the... rest room." This was suspicious! I knew for one thing Edgar didn't like jumping, he is just jumpy! A very different definition... Jumping is a verb, whereas jumpy means for you to really cool and happy-like. Another thing I knew was that he was a robot. He didn't need the rest room for anything...
I decided to ask him a personal question, only the real Edgar would know: "If spaghetti plus two how much swank does an Indian need?". He replied wrong "OVER 9000!?". I yelled "What?! 9000!?". He broke down, and revealed his secret... Of course I was correct in assuming it was a fake, the answer to my question is "Punching swans should always be kept to dreams". He cried out "I AM KILROY! KILROY!".
A look of shock ran accross my face... So that is why he was referencing Domo Arigato, from Styx's 1983 album Kilroy Was Here! His name is Kilroy... I asked him another question: "What makes all the difference in deciding if you'll endure the pain that we all feel?". He replied "The way your heart sounds". I knew it! He was a progressive agent! Odd time signatures, multiple layers, and synth were a couple things that defined him. The only thing is, none of the prog. agents I know strictly reference progressive music in what they do and say. He must have been brainwashed to get intel on what progressive agents were up to.
I knew how to destroy him. "My Chemicle Romance, Sum 41, Blink 182, Panic At The Disco!" the list went on and on. It was too much mainstream for him! He exploded. So Edgar was dead, but I didn't care because I'm a real man. Death means nothing, unless you do the tango. Then... it means everything.
So now I REALLY had to do something about my homework, but I didn't, because I was distracted by sexy ladies walking down the street. They all seemed very excited for something, so I decided to go take a look. A man was mowing his lawn, and it looked a leg of a chair was going to fall off the floating chair above him! I ran over to push him out of the way so that he wouldn't be slooged on the head and as I was pushing him his lawn mower cut off my leg! I was writhing in pain, when the chair leg fell down and attached to my leg! Pegleg!? I can live with that, aawwyeah.
I continued to follow the sexy ladies, when a man was cutting his leather jacket up. When he cut off a part with the patch of a skull of it flew at me. By now I had realized that destiny was true. It headed towards me and I accepted it into my face. YES! I had an eyepatch. Now I knew I could follow those ladies successfully! I found them, and they were waving to a group of sexy pirates! Sexy ladies and sexy pirates is just logic I guess, looking back at it now I was silly for not realizing that in the first place.
They spotted me and said "Oi, a sexy pirate! Are you one of us!?" "I don't have any experience, but I am sexy, I do have physical requirements filled (the missing limbs, clothes, et cetera), and I download music regularly!" This was enough to get me in. So I flew up to the pirate-ship (the chair leg was for a rocket chair) and they told me what they were all about. A quest to get the seven tigercubes!
Thus started the epic adventures of... TIGERCUBE X. We quickly found all of the tigercubes. They were all in the same place. An old man's board game room. In a Monopoly box to be specific! Well we picked up the Tigercubes, and were teleported to atop a big tower. A large slug/tiger beast appeared in the air, and it flew with the use of thousands of arms growing out of its back. When it spoke its mouth didn't fully open or close, but stayed slightly agap, moving left and right in little movements, like a Zaonoid. However, it spoke everything was pronounce properly. It did however sound like multiple voices over eachother. It said "You get three wishes, although I'd recommend using one to get off this tower, otherwise there is no way. We haven't fully worked out all of the kinks.". My sexy pirate buddies told me to do the wishes, since they weren't actually real. I used my first wish to have my cat be able to talk. I used my second wish to have everything go back to normal, including my limb/organ losses, and excluding my talking cat. I used my third wish to go back home. FWOOMPH! I was there! I realized though, that I should have used a wish to finish my homework... Oh well. This is a cool enough story, right? And my talk can cat!
It should be 2 - 5 minutes long, and I'm sure it is good enough length, I'm just worried it isn't good enough writing... It is a grade 9 drama class, and the challenge is to write an excuse to why we didn't do a homework, memorize it and tell the teacher it. Of course, this IS the homework, so it is all oddly meta. Haha.
I decided I would recite the alphabet along the way. "ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ". This proved boring, and I was quickly growing weary of this quest. Suddenly my pet robot, Edgar IV (also known as Education Given Around ver. 4) started singing Mr. Roboto by Styx and I just needed to join in! I didn't know what this could possibly bear for in the future, but lemme tell you it would come to mean a lot!
I found a new pencil about a step into my sister's room. Stepping in to grab it the door closed behind me! Oh snap! The creepy porcelain dolls are attacking again! Now, allow me to tell you something about porcelain dolls. They're hard to defeat. The only way to stop them is to sing Lady GaGa songs! "Let's have some fun/this beat is sick/I wanna take a ride on your disco stick!".
Reciting the ancient Native chant, I finally weakened the dolls enough to shatter them to bits with my bare fists! I could finally leave with my pencil! Picking it up, I was pushing it into the air for a victory pose when it hit my eye! Oh no, my toe and my eye! I couldn't see, and was limping around... While it was an awesome day, it was also a painful one.
So I left the room, and found Edgar IV missing! Damn, where'd he go? Oh well, I guessed he had things to do. I ventured back downstairs to work on my homework when Edgar appeared. I said to him "Where were you jumpy buddy?" he jumped and said "I was in the... rest room." This was suspicious! I knew for one thing Edgar didn't like jumping, he is just jumpy! A very different definition... Jumping is a verb, whereas jumpy means for you to really cool and happy-like. Another thing I knew was that he was a robot. He didn't need the rest room for anything...
I decided to ask him a personal question, only the real Edgar would know: "If spaghetti plus two how much swank does an Indian need?". He replied wrong "OVER 9000!?". I yelled "What?! 9000!?". He broke down, and revealed his secret... Of course I was correct in assuming it was a fake, the answer to my question is "Punching swans should always be kept to dreams". He cried out "I AM KILROY! KILROY!".
A look of shock ran accross my face... So that is why he was referencing Domo Arigato, from Styx's 1983 album Kilroy Was Here! His name is Kilroy... I asked him another question: "What makes all the difference in deciding if you'll endure the pain that we all feel?". He replied "The way your heart sounds". I knew it! He was a progressive agent! Odd time signatures, multiple layers, and synth were a couple things that defined him. The only thing is, none of the prog. agents I know strictly reference progressive music in what they do and say. He must have been brainwashed to get intel on what progressive agents were up to.
I knew how to destroy him. "My Chemicle Romance, Sum 41, Blink 182, Panic At The Disco!" the list went on and on. It was too much mainstream for him! He exploded. So Edgar was dead, but I didn't care because I'm a real man. Death means nothing, unless you do the tango. Then... it means everything.
So now I REALLY had to do something about my homework, but I didn't, because I was distracted by sexy ladies walking down the street. They all seemed very excited for something, so I decided to go take a look. A man was mowing his lawn, and it looked a leg of a chair was going to fall off the floating chair above him! I ran over to push him out of the way so that he wouldn't be slooged on the head and as I was pushing him his lawn mower cut off my leg! I was writhing in pain, when the chair leg fell down and attached to my leg! Pegleg!? I can live with that, aawwyeah.
I continued to follow the sexy ladies, when a man was cutting his leather jacket up. When he cut off a part with the patch of a skull of it flew at me. By now I had realized that destiny was true. It headed towards me and I accepted it into my face. YES! I had an eyepatch. Now I knew I could follow those ladies successfully! I found them, and they were waving to a group of sexy pirates! Sexy ladies and sexy pirates is just logic I guess, looking back at it now I was silly for not realizing that in the first place.
They spotted me and said "Oi, a sexy pirate! Are you one of us!?" "I don't have any experience, but I am sexy, I do have physical requirements filled (the missing limbs, clothes, et cetera), and I download music regularly!" This was enough to get me in. So I flew up to the pirate-ship (the chair leg was for a rocket chair) and they told me what they were all about. A quest to get the seven tigercubes!
Thus started the epic adventures of... TIGERCUBE X. We quickly found all of the tigercubes. They were all in the same place. An old man's board game room. In a Monopoly box to be specific! Well we picked up the Tigercubes, and were teleported to atop a big tower. A large slug/tiger beast appeared in the air, and it flew with the use of thousands of arms growing out of its back. When it spoke its mouth didn't fully open or close, but stayed slightly agap, moving left and right in little movements, like a Zaonoid. However, it spoke everything was pronounce properly. It did however sound like multiple voices over eachother. It said "You get three wishes, although I'd recommend using one to get off this tower, otherwise there is no way. We haven't fully worked out all of the kinks.". My sexy pirate buddies told me to do the wishes, since they weren't actually real. I used my first wish to have my cat be able to talk. I used my second wish to have everything go back to normal, including my limb/organ losses, and excluding my talking cat. I used my third wish to go back home. FWOOMPH! I was there! I realized though, that I should have used a wish to finish my homework... Oh well. This is a cool enough story, right? And my talk can cat!
It should be 2 - 5 minutes long, and I'm sure it is good enough length, I'm just worried it isn't good enough writing... It is a grade 9 drama class, and the challenge is to write an excuse to why we didn't do a homework, memorize it and tell the teacher it. Of course, this IS the homework, so it is all oddly meta. Haha.
