|
|
Post by AllenSmithee on Mar 13, 2009 18:18:56 GMT -5
I wrote some lyrics, and I'd like to know your opinion before I pass them to my other bandmembers... Anyways, here they are:
[acoustic]
Let me tell you something I heard
Just a simple notion, not long ago
It didn't take long for it to set in
To take its course, sink into my skin
[electric]
Pullute the world with hatred
Spread the pain about!
Kill children, women, elderly
Hear the innocent shout
Crrrrryyyyyy out!
[SOLO]
[chorus]
It is wrong
Its all so wrong
Its disturbing
So disturbing
See their pain
Hear their cries
Smell the death
Watch their eyes
You want the pain?
YOU GOT IT!
You want insane?
HERE IT IS!
You want the gore?
ORDERS UP!
You want the death?
YOUR TIME IS UP!
[slow down soft voice]
To anger you're a slave
To he you must behave
To be violent or save?
The answer that you gave:
[cheering]
H
A
T
E
Its what my parents taught me
H
A
T
E
Its what the army brought me
H
A
T
E
Its whats gonna rot me
RIGHT INTO MY SHALLOW GRAVE
[chorus]
It is wrong
Its all so wrong
Its disturbing
So disturbing
See their pain
Hear their cries
Smell the death
Watch their eyes
It is wrong
Its all so wrong
Its unerving
So unerving
See his smile
Hear his laughs
Take a while
Watch his murderous path
|
|
|
|
Post by Red Hairdo on Mar 13, 2009 18:37:28 GMT -5
Unpolite, but educative. xD (Except the "Its what my parents taught me" part. That varies from family to family. xD)
I'd say nice job.
|
|
|
|
Post by AllenSmithee on Mar 13, 2009 19:15:26 GMT -5
Why thankyou Mr. Hairdo!
Its good criticism!
|
|
|
|
Post by AllenSmithee on Mar 13, 2009 19:21:38 GMT -5
I have trouble with the "its" and "it's", so that is to be expected. Plus, I was writing with Wordpad, so there aren't any spell checks.
|
|
|
|
Post by Red Hairdo on Mar 13, 2009 20:05:51 GMT -5
Actually, all the "its" in the lyrics should be "it's". There. Just did what WordPad couldn't. xD Anyway, it's a good song. At least the lyrics.  |
|
|
|
Post by Incog Neato on Mar 13, 2009 20:17:58 GMT -5
I have trouble with the "its" and "it's", so that is to be expected. Plus, I was writing with Wordpad, so there aren't any spell checks. Spell check does shit for grammar, d00de. And learning the difference between it's and its is not hard at all! It's = IT IS.More info to pound into your head: www.cgl.uwaterloo.ca/~csk/its.html |
|
|
|
Post by AllenSmithee on Mar 13, 2009 20:24:30 GMT -5
I know that, I can remember it it's just that I forget sometimes. Sorry, yeesh.
|
|
rocket
Lyus
well its time to pack it in again. Where do you want to go today?
Posts: 145
|
Post by rocket on Mar 13, 2009 23:33:03 GMT -5
Actually, all the "its" in the lyrics should be "it's". Really? [/size][/quote] I'm pretty sure that should be "its".  [/quote] humorously enough.... the ' seems to very by location. some places don't care about the '. like the southwest it is generally acceptable to use it's, it is, or its. same with don't, do not, and don't. seems the forum auto correct got my last dont but ya get the idea. |
|
|
|
Post by Ascended Mermaid on Mar 13, 2009 23:41:15 GMT -5
Good: It's not easy being green. Good: It is not easy being green. Bad: Its not easy being green.Good: The fact of the matter is, it's not what you think it is. Good: The fact of the matter is, it is not what you think it is. Bad: The fact of the matter is, its not what you think it is.Good: This job has its perks. Bad: This job has it is perks.Bad: This job has it's perks.Do you get it now? "It's" is a contraction of "it is", while "its" is an adjective, referring to a noun, referred by a noun, or an agent of a noun! // It's without a fraction of a doubt, not regional; its usage should be the same, for every English-speaking country. It is proper English! |
|
|
|
Post by AllenSmithee on Mar 13, 2009 23:46:55 GMT -5
Hmm, howabout we don't go on another grammar rampage? This is kinda annoying, I mean I know TOPIC DERAIL is key here, but c'mon I wanted critique not GRAMMAR RAMPAGE.
|
|
|
|
Post by psybuster on Mar 14, 2009 0:35:44 GMT -5
Can't offer any help, largely because I find it's almost impossible for me to make any judgments without being able to hear a song as a whole package/finished product ;x
|
|
|
|
Post by Kimimi on Mar 14, 2009 1:26:17 GMT -5
I'm sure they sound fine with the tune and it all does what its supposed to, but angry teens raging against the world is not very original.
|
|
|
|
Post by AllenSmithee on Mar 14, 2009 1:29:40 GMT -5
Hahaha, I know but its easy to write. Can't wait until our guitarist can make the instrumentation. It'll be awesome, he's amazing.
|
|
|
|
Post by Falcom Director of Fanservice on Mar 14, 2009 9:33:55 GMT -5
|
|
|
|
Post by Incog Neato on Mar 14, 2009 9:40:04 GMT -5
I'm sure they sound fine with the tune and it all does what its supposed to, but angry teens raging against the world is not very original. How about angry teens raging around the world about the apostrophe? Edumacational heavy metal tune about the uses of ITS AND IT'S! :D |
|
|
|
Post by Red Hairdo on Mar 14, 2009 11:34:17 GMT -5
Actually, all the "its" in the lyrics should be "it's". Really? [/size][/quote] I'm pretty sure that should be "its". [/quote] Ah, that's correct. Sorry, that one slipped. *LOL*!! XD I'm sure they sound fine with the tune and it all does what its supposed to, but angry teens raging against the world is not very original. How about angry teens raging around the world about the apostrophe? Edumacational heavy metal tune about the uses of ITS AND IT'S!  I approve.  *signs down* |
|
|
|
Post by AllenSmithee on Mar 14, 2009 13:08:22 GMT -5
Its not really heavy metal, we play nova metal which is kinda like synth, thrash, prog, and power. We can also do whatever we want, haha. However, I wanted to write something thrash like since when I write lyrics its always with themes that go well with the progressive or power music (and of course synth. Every song could do with a synth solo) so I just made something angry.
|
|
|
|
Post by Skeletore has a boner on Mar 14, 2009 13:17:08 GMT -5
Kinda funny, cause you're all actually wrong!
It's is a perfectly acceptable possessive of a gender neutral term. This is an evolution of English over the last 50 years. English originally lacked any gender neutral terms, and we've been slowly adapting a category of possessives to gender neutrality as we increasing personify objects in our daily speech. This is a trend towards eventually being a fully analytical language that lacks gender determiners.
Their, it's, being the primary.
And for the record there is no authority on what is "proper" English, or "correct" English.The reality is when you tell someone "it's is incorrect" you are only stating your personal opinion, the reality is it's is used as a possessive everyday, it's frequency will only increase, and you've already lost the war. Nothing can stop language evolution!
líðung wé ácweðan efenlæcung þes? (Do we still speak like this?)
|
|
|
|
Post by Ascended Mermaid on Mar 14, 2009 13:47:29 GMT -5
it's frequency will only increase, and you've already lost the war. Essentially you wrote "it is frequency will only increase, and you've already lost the war." Whether it is fact or my own "opinion", you sir, are wrong. |
|
|
|
Post by Yakra on Mar 14, 2009 14:20:00 GMT -5
it's frequency will only increase, and you've already lost the war. Essentially you wrote "it is frequency will only increase, and you've already lost the war." Whether it is fact or my own "opinion", you sir, are wrong. Hem... you know, I thought one could use "it's" in a possessive context? Kind of like how darusgrey used it? Ofcourse, I'm hardly the greatest authority on grammar with my messed up spellings, and having failed in the grammars of ALL languages...! So perhaps I ought to just keep quiet. :'D (But I thought it did become accepted?) I love how Smithee's song has turned into a grammar discussion though~! On topic, I think its nice, though a bit to angsty for me tastes. I mean, I can't write anything like so even to save me life! (Now an ode to the art of correct application of the apostrophe, I agree with! XD [We're going to turn poor Smithee into a rotten songwriter! ]) |
|
[/quote]
