Random thought(s) of the moment

[AllenSmithee]

Also, I don't think Fai would necessarily be making a bad decision by having sex to make someone else happy if she REALLY loved them.

Two reasons. First is that she admited that it would probably be fun. So she doesn't deny the fact that there could easily be enjoyment for her there. And second is the philosophy, whatever makes you happy makes me happy, y'know?

[AllenSmithee]

You know what is terrible about that whole bitch move? I find it kinda hot in a way, haha. But ultimately, I like nice cute girls, that type of crap is for stories.

To your edit, I've got to say this: I'm with you on that, actually. I'm just defending another point of view. I mean, if I got the chance to get laid tonight with an attractive woman who I was sure was clean, yeah, I'd probably take it. I'd regret it later, but I'd give in... Or not. I've got a surprisingly strong conviction, I'm told...

But yeah, I always hope that my first time and many times afterwards will be beautiful realizations of true love, being turned into physical form. I'm a loser, I guess.

[AllenSmithee]

I think that kids my age should be more sexually outspoken. Like, talk about that stuff.

I think it'd be healthy, y'know, and then not everything would be a sex joke anymore first of all.

[Nalacakes]

Mar 29, 2010 7:28:33 GMT -5 Mutagene said:

Since Fai added her $20, I guess I'll add my measly sum to the pile.

I'm still a pervert at heart, and I want to love, but I realize it'll never happen to me. I just have too many problems to ever even come close to loving. I'm a hopeless romantic in the wrong shell, too... I get random crushes that I can't shake off all the time. I can't even talk to my closest friends without making myself look like a complete ass (which I am anyway), and when I try to talk to a girl, it's basically that except twenty times worse. Besides, one look at me and any girl would want to shoot themselves if they thought they might have to end up with that freak.

So yeah. I've come to accept the standard NEET substitute for love.

I can sympathise, as when I was really young I was actually deathly afraid of boys, and more or less thought they'd eat me. ^^ I think becoming very close to my older brother during my early teens sort of changed that. Try and remember that the opposite gender are people just like you. Men aren't from Mars and women aren't from Venus. We're all from Earth. Relatively small differences aside, we're all people when it boils down to it. And simply treating someone of the opposite gender with the same care and respect you'd show to someone of your own goes a long way. Actually, I always feel more uncomfortable when it's obvious that someone is going out of their way to treat me differently, or when somebody gives me a look that makes me feel like a completely alien creature.

I'm not one to be giving lectures on love, as it's not really a subject I understand very well. But if it's something you really want, I don't think you should just give up on it. Of course there's no need to dwell on it or get depressed either, but don't convince yourself that you don't deserve to be loved, or that you're so fatally broken that no one will ever want to be with you. If you convince yourself that you're worthless or stupid, that's all that other people are going to see in you. Confidence is everything in human interactions, I think. Don't get me wrong, being confident doesn't mean becoming arrogant and self-centered, or discarding anything too geeky in the pursuit of coolness. Actually, I'd argue that neither are good things - I find the first group repulsive and the second group neurotic and insecure. Rather, I think being confident means simply being proud of who you are, and presenting that person proudly to the world. My friend's boyfriend, for example, is about as geeky as people come. We're talking 4chan memes, late night MMORPG-ing sessions, encyclopedic knowledge of videogames and anime... The whole package. He's not exactly jaw-droppingly beautiful, either. But he's so comfortable with who he is that he puts you at ease. You don't feel the need to be on your guard around him because it's so clear that he isn't, and he's just nice to talk to.

Of course some girls are going to shoot you down based on physical appearance, or because you're a 'geek'. But plenty of boys do that too. ^^ Being shallow isn't a girl thing - it's a people thing. But being kind and pleasant is also a people thing; it just depends on the people~! The trouble is that, nice or horrible, people aren't going to look twice at you if you focus on making yourself invisible. So I think first and foremost, you need to stop thinking you're worthless or a freak. By what I've read of your posts here you're anything but, and I'm sure people in real life - boys and girls - would feel the same way if you'd only show them.

Gawd, I'm such a massive hypocrite. I have no right to be lecturing you on the importance of self-worth. Sorry. <___<

Mar 29, 2010 11:36:30 GMT -5 Wyrdwad said:

Bah. Now you're all saying you're not interesting in or not expecting LOVE in your lives? So saaaaad!!! Maybe it's just because I've grown up with the whole idealized version of love in my head, but I wish for everyone to find their true loves in this world, and live happily ever after. I'm sure there's someone for everyone, and even if you don't ever see yourself falling in love... well, remember, that's like, how every romantic comedy ever made begins!

At the same time, though, I greatly respect Fai's approach to life. I think if you're like me, and actively try to FIND love (for me, it's through sites like okcupid.com), it's harder to actually succeed, and more painful, than if you just live life and have fun, and let love find YOU if it wants to! I'd probably be a lot less stressed in my daily life if I were more like Fai, and could just enjoy the world without feeling lonely all the time.

Ehe, sorry. I find it hard to talk about my indifference to sex without talking about my relative indifference to love. I don't know whether one is caused by the other, but the two are definitely all mixed up.

Now that you mention it, posting about how you're not interested in love on an internet forum sort of does sound like the start of a quirky rom-com~! I don't know. I'm really not writing off romance altogether, even if it sounds that way? If my life did become a romantic comedy scenario and I found love, that'd be fine! It's just something that's very difficult for me to envision at this point in time. I can't imagine caring for anyone more than I care for my friends and family. And it'd feel incredibly awkward knowing that someone cared for me that much. It'd be that old 'No I love you more!' thing, except I'd know in my heart of hearts that the other person really did love me more. Just as you said it wouldn't be fair to have sex with someone if I didn't want it as much as they did (You're quite right. I suppose I just meant that I wasn't exactly disgusted or put off by it), I really don't think it'd be fair to enter into a relationship with someone who wanted so much more than I'm capable of offering.

The one time I did try and have a normal relationship was with a boy back in high school, and I think I ended up being more of a sister to him than a girlfriend. He was lovely, and we got along really well. But it became apparent pretty quickly that I just couldn't give him what he wanted, and I could see him getting more and more upset and frustrated. Eventually I had to break things off, and we never really spoke again. I still feel terribly ashamed when I think about him. I've grown to understand friendship, I think. I've learned that no matter how much of a mess I might be, there are parts of me that other people find appealing or likeable. And I feel as if I can give enough in return to my friends that I'm not a nuisance to them. But I'm terrified of the damage I could do to someone I really care about by entering into something I really don't understand. I'd spend every day a nervous wreck. Not because I'd fear being dumped. Not because I'd be jealous that he / she would leave me for someone else. Just because I'd be terrified that I'd seriously wound someone I loved through my own ignorance and emotional clumsiness.

And it's nothing worthy of respect, I don't think. When I see my friends pining after someone they can't have or crying their eyes out after a breakup, I feel lucky to feel the way I do. But when I see how happy they are when they're together with someone, I can't help but feel like maybe I'm missing out on something. It's a double-edged sword, I suppose. You can't have the good without the bad, and you can't dodge the bad without missing out on the good.

[Justin]

Ahem....

www.gk2gk.com/about/

***Disappears into the night, kind of like Batman does. Oooh yeaaaaah***

[Justin]

Both my cousins have jumped on the pay site bandwagon. One of them is married now, and the other is in a heavy relationship.

In this day and age, it is hard to hamper down with a possible mate. There is nothing wrong with checking those places out. E Harmony has free weekends all of the time.

[tancients]

I wonder if I can keep this short.

I feel in love once, ruined it by being too clingy, decided to just kick back and let people interested approach me instead.

Had sex with both genders. It's interesting from an experimental/scientific perspective, but not really something I feel compelled to do, so I 'have no real interest'.

I like languages and travel. Most people have a family or like to stay in one place. It's just a hassle that I'd rather not bother with. Only have so many years in one's life, better off spending them as fulfilling as possible.

Oh yes, and for the most part I agree with wyrdwad on the 'familiarity begets waned curiosity' regarding nudity and sex. If people understand it, they're less likely to have accidents, teen pregnancy, etc etc. All things that come about due to the way America society holds sex secret, but is openly tolerant of violence. Much like how my desktop (now changed) was. *shrug*

[Ascended Mermaid]

Too clingy...? Personally, I'd never have a problem with clingy; but I've done just about the same thing you have. I just let the pieces fall where they may.

Until I panic, that is.

[Lenalia]

(WARNING: Long rambly thing incoming!)

Hm... potentially a lot to respond to. I should probably start off by pointing out that I'm still in a bit of a messy place right now when it comes to this sort of thing, and if this discussion came up again in a few months then I might react a bit less cynically.

(I thought about whether or not to choose my words carefully in case a certain someone come across this, but... screw it. Even if they find me here, there's nothing here that I'd be unwilling to tell them about.)

The idea of "soulmates", of there being one perfect person for every other person... it's a very beautiful and romantic idea, but it's also idealistic to the point where I can't really take it seriously. A more realistic way of putting it is just that everyone can find someone who's a good match for them... by and large, I'd like to think that's true, but it doesn't always work out. Some people will have to make a tough choice between two people who are great for them; others will end up alone. Such is life.

I've only had the courage to confess my feelings for two people (both of whom I only knew online, which made it a bit easier), and while I'm wiser for the experience, if I could keep the experience but go back and not do it, it might be for the best. One of them ultimately wasn't so bad, though -- She was pretty uncomfortable with my feelings for quite some time, but we've gotten past it and we've ultimately patched things up.

The other person I was much closer to, to the point where not confessing my feelings after I realized I had them would've felt dishonest, and I couldn't do that to her. It turned out that she had feelings for me, too, which made me very happy for a while. We were both nervous about taking things further, however (...though, oddly enough, not at the same time...), and things started falling apart between us a few months later. To this day I still don't really understand why, or what happened, and I haven't had much luck in getting the gaps in my knowledge explained out (being the relative newbie to social interaction that I am). Things between us are an utter mess now, and I wish I could go back and keep myself from telling her about my feelings so that maybe we could still be good friends like we used to be.

*sigh*

Right now, I'm stuck in a logic trap of sorts... I don't want to enter into a relationship with someone I don't know well and trust, because "special someone" is a very important and powerful position to be in in someone's life, and if we can't trust each other then there's no way we'd be able to have a functioning relationship, as far as I'm concerned. At the same time, I'd now be gun-shy about entering into a relationship with someone that I do know well and trust (or even being in a position where we have romantic feelings for each other affecting things), because I could lose a valuable friendship in the process.

I could be completely wrong about this, but it seems to me like most straight people make friends almost exclusively with people of the same gender, because people of the opposite gender often end up being romantic interests, and when a romance doesn't work out then the people involved just avoid each other entirely. They might eventually find "the one", but how many potentially good friendships (if only romance hadn't derailed them) get thrown out in the process? Losing one good friendship like that is a pretty steep price as it is, and I'm not exactly thrilled about the prospect of losing several other ones just to find a single "right" person -- if I'm lucky.

So, unless something significant changes, I've pretty much accepted that I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life... and while I have my moments of wishing I had a special someone, I think I'm okay with that for the most part. I've had another friend who I've been very close to (to the point where people joked about us being lovers and we just egged them on for a little while) -- a few friends that good, and what the heck do I actually need a "real" relationship for? (Other than kissing and sex, anyway, and I'm not especially interested in sex. )

(Though, speaking of...)

Don't do that. You'd regret it, and I think the other person would regret it as well. Only have sex if you actually WANT to. Don't do it for someone else - that won't end well, and if the other person knows you're only doing it because he(/she) wants to, he(/she) would probably be racked with guilt for having experienced something like that at your expense (assuming your partner is an honorable person, anyway).

Very much agreed here. I'm not especially interested in sex -- I don't consider myself "asexual", but my sex drive is pretty weak -- and (were I in a position where I were open to relationships) the other person not wanting to have sex wouldn't be a problem for me. I'd be interested in trying it at some point in a serious relationship, probably, but only if they're interested, too. Having sex with someone who's uncomfortable about it and just going through the motions nervously because I want it probably wouldn't really be enjoyable for either of us. I'd imagine that having sex with someone who's genuinely interested and excited about it would be a lot more enjoyable for the both of us, both during and after.

The worst is that I rarely believe ANYONE would ever have a crush on Smithee. No sirree.

I've felt the same way about myself in the past. It's happened a few times anyway, though -- don't be so quick to write yourself off.

...I might edit this post or make another post replying to some of the other things in this thread. I think I've said most of what I wanted at this point, though, and I already spent more time writing up this reply than I ever expected to.

[fuyuko816]

Mar 29, 2010 23:24:27 GMT -5 Wyrdwad said:

(...) And if someone is going to end a friendship with you because you feel really strongly about them... well, just think about that for a second. Think about how UTTERLY STUPID that sounds! Yes, people do that... but the people who do that are freaking idiots, and they're responsible for making people like you and me paranoid. The majority of people don't do this - or shouldn't do this, anyway - and I've come to accept that anyone who does isn't worth my time. The girl who did this to me, and made me paranoid for years and years, is now a good friend of mine, and I STILL bug her about it all the time, if only to remind her never to do it again to anyone else. She knows she was wrong, and she swears she won't do this again... and hopefully, the girl who did this to you will realize how wrong she was one day, as well.

-Tom

Wyrd (wow it has been a long time isn't it? xD) I feel your point and know that your reasons justify that, but I don't think that is stupid or even that simple.
I'm one of those that does what you said, and I feel that this isn't really wrong or right.

Each one have feelings in a particular way.

When somebody feels strongly about me, I really feel guilty for not being able to anwser those feelings.
And I cannot see that person in the same way as before when I know about those feelings.

My need to surpress these guilty feelings is so odd that makes me want to engage in a relationship with that person. It had happened three times already, and I'm not really happy with the way that it ended. It wasn't what I really wanted to do.

And I also have a charm to attract that kind of people as it seems.

With those reasons, that pretty much looks like unreasonable for most people, that I stop talking with people if they feel strongly about me in that way. And it is not like that I dislike them, actually I usually miss those people in my life.

In the end, after doing those things, I'm finally feeling happy because I finally don't feel alone anymore in this world. I'm finally capable of run for what I want, and that is what really changed in my personal life.
I'm more trustful to what I feel that I am now and more honest with the one that I really love.

PS: It is funny that she has those guilty complexes very much like me. ^^'

[Ascended Mermaid]

Still nothing... so I wrote her mom, because we used to talk all the time. Even when I was the one having a rough time of things.

...for the love of all that is beautiful, I hope to hell everything works out...

[Incog Neato]

Hey! I can finally contribute a bit to this relationships talk!

My BF and I broke up last night since we were both too anal to compromise on our locations!

I wasn't ready to move due to family reasons + I like the city life + don't want to move to a small town. He wasn't going to budge because he recently got promoted and loves his work.

Long distance relationships really bomb when the physical aspect is missing months at a time. :P

Oh well, we're still friends of awesome. I'm still gonna bother him every day by texting him. Wonder how well that's gonna work when he finds a girlfriend though? :B

In all seriousness though, I dunno if I ever had the same feelings that he did toward me. Maybe, at one point, it was just infatuation?

I like being with him and I really like all the hand-holding and hugging and snuggling and stuff but I have issues when it comes to going beyond that which are sort of personal and I won't get into. :B!

Totally unrelated: Why the hell has FedEx not updated my shipment's status since yesterday morning!? It's been in shipment release forever! Just send it out already!!!

Ha. After typing that, I saw this:
Mar 30, 2010 8:13 AM At local FedEx facility

Now if only my other YesAsia shipment arrives ... it's almost been 15 business days! Even the one that was sent out on the 16th was received! Damn scenic route.

Gonna wait until April 9 or 12 before I report it being missing. Since they have the reshipment offer (depending on stock), I wonder if I can upgrade it to Express?

[fuyuko816]

Hey don't worry Wyrd xD

That wasn't harsh from your part.
I just pointed that out because I really know that isn't simple as it looks like. And I feel that posting was necessary.

I don't really want to convince everyone else about what happened in my life that made me do that thing, because it is not really the easiest thing to talk about.
But don't worry xD
That wasn't harsh at all.

[tancients]

Logic rules. So does near-stoicism.

[Ascended Mermaid]

Still nothing... I'm thinking of calling her up, but I'm pretty scared.

// I called, she's asleep. Stepdad said he'd tell her to call me back. OMG... he was nice, oddly enough. BUT GOD!!!

Seriously, I'm shaking...

[Raison D'etritus]

Okay, this is going to sound like bad advice right now, but I'm going to give it anyway: Give her some space.
If your first message promised you wouldn't harass her, then any further attempt at contact might be construed as harassment. Keep in mind that the typical female thinks a good deal differently than the typical male. While you expect an immediate, logical reply to your sentiment, she may need a chunk of time to think things over. Especially if her feelings are hurt from previous encounters (which does not seem unlikely in the least).
Rather than having an immediate, emotional response to your message, she might have to contact every human being she's ever known to inquire as to what emotional response they advise appropriate to the circumstance. Then she might choose from the selection whatever suits her current mood best. This sounds completely insane, but it seems to be a popular trend in current society.

So, I say give her room; let her think about things and don't do anything to give the impression that you're desperate for an answer. I know this sounds completely ludicrous at the moment, as the situation might as well be life or death -- so throw yourself into -ANOTHER- life or death situation! Every two minutes are going to seem an eternity, but she might need an eternity to judge whether or not to give you two minutes. If you hurt her in the past, then you can't be too upset if she isn't completely concerned with your immediate feelings. Occupy yourself with something else. Jump out of an airplane. Go hunting. Play Russian Roulette. Start a revolution. Whatever. Giv'er her some time to consider things. She's had weeks (??! my history is less than perfect on the subject. sorry.) to suffer the blow of losing you, so she might need as much time, or more, to contemplate letting you back in.

And, most importantly: I wish you luck Friend.

[Ascended Mermaid]

The thing is, I don't even know if she got my messages, to be honest -- so my mind's wandering off into the "well what if she hasn't?" territory.

[Raison D'etritus]

Then I'd say, try sending it again with a polite addendum: "Sent you this message the other day, but my emails been acting crazy" or something innocent like that. Nonchalance is key.

There are plenty of ways to ensure a message is delivered without handing it over first-hand, you just have to not obsess over whether or not it was received based on an expected reply.

I'm half tempted to give a whole slew of bad advice (I.E. effective advice, yet not at all good) gained from my knowledge of human behavior, but, truth be told, I'd rather not spread any corruption (especially with so many innocent minds and souls around. We'd hate to taint poor Wyrdwad, whose Romantic Idealism is so endearing).

But. . . If all else fails, and your goals are more important to you than the means meant to reach them, let me know. Read Goethe's Faust, and if you understand the moral, and don't mind stooping to manipulation to gain your ends, I'll gladly (and shamefully) share my knowledge. Though It'll only give you a 60% advantage in exchange for a 00% moral standing. (From experience: make concessions. If it doesn't work, move on. Learn from it. Grow. Becoming a monster to satisfy a human appetite will just leave you hungry.)

[Incog Neato]

I wanted to post about something but now I forgot what it was. o_O;

[schlagwerk]

What the crap did I do to my elbow? Going on the third week of pain, but at least now it hurts in a different, duller way

Still can't pinpoint what started all of this in the first place